A year ago, today

A man I expected to be with the rest of my live put a metaphoric collar on me.  He promised to love me, to grow old with me, to take care of me.  Today, He has moved, broken up with me and is monogamous with another woman.  We’re friends, but we rarely speak.  

A year ago, today person X was one of my dearest friends.  Today, I can barely stand to be around her.  I find her boring and quarrelsome  and would very likely let her fade from my life altogether if our social lives weren’t so intimately entwined.

A year ago today, I did not have mental illness (that I knew).  Today, I know that I am Bipolar, I take a lot more medications, and I’m much saner as a result.  

A year ago today, I was pain free and looking forward to being able to run.  Today, I’m coming to terms that running makes bad things happen to my body.

A year ago today, I had accepted to have the love of mon maitre (see first item) that I would have to be polyfi, inspite of the fact that I had  sworn that I wouldn’t ever compromise that part of my life ever again.  Today, I am dating one guy, attempting to date a few other people, and booty calling another couple.  I’m still not getting laid as much as I was this time last year though.

A year ago, today, I had no real job, no real self esteem, no real goals other than find something that paid.  Today, I have a full time job, and more importantly, I’ve found a job, and an art, that satisfies me in many way.

Buddhism teaches me that I shouldn’t get attached to any specific idea, person, life plan, because things can change on the turn of a dime.  In an instant, your heart can break, your brain and soul can break, and everything you knew about your future can be proven to be dreadfully wrong.  My plan for this year is to accept that this is a journey, and I have no idea what’s around each corner, and to become comfortable with that not knowing.